I need to complain

So if you want to read, you can, if you don't, that is fine too.

Here goes!

I hate being pregnant. Why? You're only 11 weeks along, and aren't sick 24-7. Heck today I got a 3 loads of laundry washed, carrot cake cupcakes baked, paid our tithing at the post office, taught English to three kindergardeners, made dinner, took a shower, took out the trash and vacuumed! Pretty good for someone who is supposed to be tired. Here is why I hate being pregnant. I'm extremely impatient. I'm really glad that the baby won't be born until Clark is 2.5, but I hate the waiting. I also hate not being able to eat meat. I seriously get a nasty stomach ache any time I eat it. I made this delicious bagel sandwich with ham today, and bam, 30 minutes later I felt like HUD. So going vegetarian isn't that bad, but it is frustrating since Clark has just begun to show interest in meat, and taking a home-taught crash corse on how to cook a healthy balanced meal veggie style is not the easiest thing in the world to do. I'm just not that inventive, and I can't use my fallbacks anymore. Another reason I'm not a fan of pregnancy is the constant fear of the Doctor that I HAVE to live in because I am RH negative and MUST go to a hospital. I don't like them, I don't like the way they treat me and talk down to me, and to top it off, I'm pregnant, have a little sympathy people. Ok that and for some reason the instant I get pregnant I suddenly have this fear of being pregnant. This time it is worse because I REALLY enjoy Clark. I like it being just the two of us. He's fun, I like to pay attention to him, I don't want someone else taking that time away from me. Yeah, I'm jealous of my own child taking time away from my other child. Weird. Plus, I had a hard time with Clark. I'm a sleeper. I NEED sleep. In high school I one time slept all night, all day and then all night again with relative ease. I loved Clark from the get go, but I had a rough time appreciating being a mom until he was about 6 months old. When he turned 1 I finally felt like I was starting to get the hang of it(or as much as one can really). I don't want that again. That's another thing, Clark took away from my Masaki time for some time as well. I horde my Masaki time as much as I can, I feel bad that Clark is asleep usually when Masaki gets home, but I like having him all to myself for a bit(though his current OBSESSION with Hero's on Facebook makes me want to pummel his computer so I can have him back). I guess I just don't like to share. What makes me feel worse is so many women I hear from just gush about loving being pregnant or having small cute little babies. I feel guilty, like I'm bad for some reason. I know this isn't coming out all that eloquently, but hey, it is past bed time, and I'm hormonal. Plus I need some phone calls *cough*mom*cough*.

I do know that I'd be extremely upset if I lost the baby, or if for some reason I couldn't breast feed(a whole other post if I ever feel like it). I have no idea what it would be like to not be able to get pregnant, and know I should be extremely thankful for coming from good super fertile stock. I'm blessed with healthy and so far uneventful pregnancies, Clark is a healthy child, and there a lot worse things than learning to have a mostly veggie diet(with some fish). I know Clark will gradually start seeking independence from me and won't be my glue-at-the-hip buddy, and that it is a good thing for both of us. Having a sibling will be GREAT for Clark, and I'll love the new baby just as much. I want to co-sleep again if I can, and do all the touchy, feely, hippy parenting things that I do/did with Clark.

...and you know, talking about it helps, thank you!

p.s. Clark can open our bedroom door now, so after naps he opens the door and says 'mommy, uptairs peees'.